Nursing School

BG[meter]: 86
BG[CGM]: Sensor Error *shrug* I don't know. I just started the damn thing over again, and hope for a better run. I am on day 4, so calling the company would be pointless. Their sensors are tested for a 3 day run, no more. Anymore finagling is up to me.

After reading Holly's blog today, I got to thinking about when I was diagnosed and the upheaval/emotional rollercoaster it put into motion. Oh, I wouldn't ever look back and call it upheaval. I definitely remember ups and downs. I can easily commiserate with other d-bloggers who share my experience, but overall I had a pretty happy childhood.

Hind sight being 20/20, now that I've touched the d-community online, I can see how I missed out on sharing my disease, sharing who I was with people who really understood. No one really gets it unless they get it... you know? All the books in the world [like, I am not my Illness, which I never did read. Sorry Mom!] are not going to make a person feel less alone. God helps in that instance, but God also gave us to us...he gave us community, family, church, knowing that in our humanity we would need other people.

I had a lot of people in my life to support me and love me. I just didn't have diabetes people. I never did get to a diabetes camp. Hmm. Maybe I'm forgetting something. I do remember a gal in high school who had diabetes, but I went to a LARGE high school, and we never really connected. My neighbor friend was diagnosed with diabetes, but we moved. Pfft.

Now, I have my husband Matt who understands me when my disease is front and center. When my facial expressions are just a hair off because my sugars have dropped or my pump is beeping at me because my sugar is high. He keeps up with the new stuff and is interested in keeping me working correctly. It's like we were made one... oh that's right. We were. :D

Wow, there was a time, I never would have even admitted high sugars existed. I'm one of those people who didn't understand that it wasn't my fault. I would fudge logs, lie about numbers when asked... [it's amazing that I can't remember having any A1c's over 8 in my adult lifetime] Highs happen, even when I do everything right. It's freeing to admit that, and oddly enough it makes the highs that ARE my fault [forgetting to bolus, overeating] easier to be accountable for.

End of Day Report

BG: 158

I had a pleasant memory today. A good one, from before Diabetes. I've thought of it off and on throughout the years and a friend's post about candy on Facebook today resurrected it.

When I was a kid, three little girls could walk... at least 6 blocks to 7-Eleven. Gosh, it might have even been more like ten or fifteen! [The world was definitely bigger then.] We had our stash of cash, and came back to Mary's house with good gobs of candy. I remember the Runts especially. I don't know why. After sorting it all, and rationing it, we took off to do something else.

Whatever we were doing in those days...a quick trip to Richmond Park, a run through the sprinkler, a walk around the block to me and my sister's house. On our return, we found Mary's brother eating our CANDY!

The memory sets a glaring light on how different my world is today. Forget Diabetes, how different the world is for my children. Where is the freedom of childhood for my children? It doesn't exist like it did before. Do I move to a smaller town? Do I search for the past?

My memories of life on the West side are so dear to me. Friends from those days are still my friends today and will be my friends tomorrow, too. When I write my stories, I pull from those memories. I pull from the emotions those memories evoke, because they are heartfelt and reminiscent of innocence. Deep down, I think the memories are why my stories so often feature reunions, old friendships and lost love. [No, I'm not pining over lost love. :P]

So, tell me. What is your favorite childhood memory?
...and have a great week!
~Bethanne