I was reading through some threads on the Diabetes Forums this past week, when I noticed a theme. Family helpers and do-gooders. It's part of loving someone, making sure they are going to be there the next time we call. I don't think diabetics are the only people who experience this kind of love. Alcoholics, over-eaters[obesity], epileptics.... just plain people, too, risk-takers, soldiers, policemen. If a wife noticed her cop husband leave the house without his mace or gun, she'd probably stop him. "Are you sure you don't want to take your sidearm?"
So, I'm breathing and fighting with myself over the hard feelings I get when my mom makes another comment about my diabetes...or insurance coverage...or how I deal with my insurance coverage. It BOGS me down to know that she still thinks I'm uneducated and I don't know how to deal with insurance companies. Lifting her eye-brows, making statements as if she's revealing something I haven't yet figured out [what? I'm going to have to fight the insurance company? i'm going to have to file claims? This is how things used to work in the industry?]. I mean, GAH! It's hard, because I know she means well.
I've been dealing with my diabetes for 20 years. I know how to work the system. I know how the system works...yet I'm still learning, and as the system changes, I'll keep learning. The tricky part is realizing that my mom deals with an insurance that I don't deal with, have never dealt with, and will never--God willing--have to deal with. HMOs. Totally different beast from the PPO I deal with--well, let's say HMO is the male and PPO is the female, same monster different gender.
I feel like it's about respect. I don't think I've ever talked to my mom about this kind of stuff and had her listen to me as if I knew what I was talking about. Frustrating... but I also see my mom talk to her mom that way, so maybe it's not just me, eh?
I love my mom. She does want what's best for me and wants me to be happy. Again, when people buy me sugar-free stuff because they know I'm diabetic, I say thank you and eat it, even though, I don't really eat MOST sugar free foods. I'd rather occasionally eat real sugared foods. *shrug* But it's nice of people to think of me. And it's NICE, NICE, NICE to have something besides water to drink!! LOL
I suppose part of the freedom of being able to share this is the fact that no one reads this blog. LOL But it helps to get it off my chest, and talk it out, and not feel so frustrated anymore.
On a side note: I changed my basals over the weekend. After keeping track of my BGs for a week, I felt it was time to shake things up a little and try to get them tighter. Research on the web, plus my own monitoring helped me make the basal levels better. I'm working on the night times right now because my mornings are still a tad elevated. Less than 180, more than 120. I'm feeling much better through the day, though. :)
Doctor's appointment next week.