Blood Work

BG: 176
CGM: 109 -- I'm on the tale end of needing to calibrate, plus I'm trending. Two things that DEFINITELY effect the sensor readings.

NoW! On to more exciting things.

Cholesterol: 180
Triglyceride: 46
LDL: 92
HDL: 78.5

Glucose: 67
BUN: 16
Creatinine: 0.8
Sodium: 140
Potassium: 4.3
Calcium: 9.1
Alk Phos: 58
SGOT (AST): 15
SGPT (ALT): 14

A1C: 5.8 !!!!!!!!!

The perfect end to 2009.

BG[CGM]: 147 (and rising) "Remind me not to eat those gingerbread cookies anymore," I said to my hubby, Matt as he walked by. :P

FROM dLife Newsletter heading:
Yes! To Cookies
These sugar free (and gluten free) treats come in Strawberry-Banana Blitz and Cocoa-Liscious. This week, save $1.00. Just $9.99 for a package of 10. Go shopping now...


I know! 11 bucks for 10 cookies?!?!?! Seriously, people. This is why I don't buy sugar free. I suppose I could get used to the difference in taste. I do drink diet Coke without a problem. But the price difference is just ungodly! Sheesh. It's almost like a punishment. So, eat well. Eat healthy. And do it without those COOKIES!

Sugar

If you missed my Diabetes Police blog with Mike, you'll have to go back and take a look. It's very funny.

Yesterday, my houseguest wanted to make a lemon pie with the HUGE lemon she grew in her back yard this year. But the recipe called for one and a half cups of sugar. She said, that's too much sugar for you.

Reply One: A cup and a half in ONE SERVING?! Yikes. That is too much.
Reply Two: Everyone else would LOVE a lemon pie.
Reply Three: I could have a small little peice and bolus extra. No biggie.
Reply Four: How about some lemonade with Splenda?

Anyway, we all deal with it...
My CGMS is working really well after the rough start.
Have a great week.
Bethanne

Christmas Day

We had such an outpouring of LOVE and GENEROSITY for our Christmas holiday. Family and friends helped out, and even with Matt being STILL out of work, our children enjoyed one of the best Christmas' EVER. [<--that's what my daughter says.]

Blessings to everyone who visits this blog.
~Bethanne

Frustrating Day

BG: 171
CGM: NOT READING!

Well, that probably shows how I'm feeling today in general. This evening, after a day of weak signals, cal errors, starts and inaccuracy.... I tore that sensor out. First of all, I did NOT have this kind of trouble on my trial with the Minimed CGMS. I'm hoping it was a fluke. I wanted to be hooked up, but I think I'm going to wait before I insert another sensor. [I say that now, but you know how impatient I am!]

I'm reading the manuals and trying to figure out what the heck the problem is... the sensor got 'caught' going in. Meaning, I had to give it a good shove, so I'm guessing it could have been a badly placed sensor. On the other hand, the manual says for the sensor to be in the abdomen, but not in a fatty area... uh, helloo??? Have you met a middle-aged diabetic mother of four? *pulling hair*

Anyway, the day was a little stressful over all, but not too bad. Today--day four with company--was the day I went from pleasantly occupied and companioned to I-need-some-space, please! Ha! Tomorrow will be a better day.

Just a few more things to wrap and Santa's on!
Have a VERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Love,
Bethanne

Just in Time

BG: 201 on fasting then 53 two hours later...seriously, will need to check my sensitivity levels. 94, now that it's 11:40am and I'm finally finishing this post.

Yesterday, I woke up mindless. I don't know how else to describe it because I don't remember ANYTHING that happened from after I got up with Sean at 5:30, put him in the living room with a snack and went back to bed, until I came back into my mind sitting at the table in the kitchen. Matt had dragged out of bed--just about kicking and screaming, because apparently when I'm out of my mind, I'm a biligerent you-know-what--compliant once he gets me where he wants me, at least this time. *eyeroll* There were times in the past he'd fight me the entire way. Though I grunted a few times that I wouldn't drink OJ, once he gave me the cup, I drank. Thank goodness! God! What a mess that is. I need a glucagon pen. Will have to ask the doctor about that next time I see him.

So, anyway I ate about 3 inches of a turkey Subway sandwich and a glass of milk before bed last night. 201 this morning. Hey, that's better than whatever it was before my hubby checked it and found the 40. Screwy day, but guess what? I'm having my CGMS from Minimed delivered today. Just in time for the new year. I was on the fence about it, but after yesterday--and the lows I've been having in the morning pretty regularly, I decided it would be worth it to give the system another shot.

*fingerscrossed*

Hypo Insensitivity

BG: 67

It was just a post ago that I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But things are settling down. I have a few items left for purchase and maybe a trip to the Post Office. Yay! I always complain, but really once the job is complete, there isn't much to gripe about.

The Christmas candy is starting to trickle in. Class parties, holiday gifts... oh yes. Here it all comes. I'm staying strong! So far. LOL

I look forward to getting my blood test results back from the doctor's office. It's been an exciting fall, testing the CGMS, watching my diet, exercising. I hope to see the efforts reflected in my numbers. I guess I'll be lucky if I see them before Christmas.

There's been speculation about hypo-insensitivity in corrolation with the CGMS. Well, this morning at 37; no one would have even noticed. I hardly did. It doesn't happen all the time, just occasionally. Doing, and I'll be like, huh? really? That just doesn't seem right. *sigh* Who knows? I'm not on the CGMS, so maybe it's a personal thing.

10 days

BG: 123

Yup. That's right folks.
TEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

Venison Stew

BG: 252 *eyeroll*

I'm making my first venison dish for the year. It smells soooo good. I found the recipe online and threw every into the crock pot this morning. With a few minor adjustments because I didn't have any red wine, we're good to go and I'll make dinner rolls later in the afternoon. I LOVE MY CROCK POT!

To a winter of cozy warmth and crocked meals...
CHEERS!
Bethanne

Vlog--Just for Fun!

BG: 50

Because it's a season of love. Because my love reflects my Faith. Because Luke Bryan has a voice that melts me. :D Haha. Because this song asks questions that we all resemble at some point in our life.

The waiting GAME

BG: 126 <-- ugh! just applied the blood too soon, Error 3 Retest!

Yes, I'm waiting for Dexcom to process my return. I gave them 2 weeks, then two more and when I contacted them, they said, OH, I guess they will process that return now. Oops. That was a week ago. I'm patiently waiting for the end of this week before I double check my insurance again. No point in wasting anyone's time, eh? Hopefully, though by the end of this week, things will be straight and I'll be able to call Minimed and get their CGMS on its way. I was going to hold off, but I've been really frustrated with my lows, especially in the morning.

I'm looking forward to my A1C this month. Anyone want to place a bet on what it will be? LOL Cold turkey, except to say that it was 6.5 in July. I've been tracking really strictly, and staying in range, 80-110, 50% of the time [according to my snapshot readings]. :D I'm going to throw 6.0 out there, but I wonder if it will be lower because I feel WAY better than I did in July, and I've been exercising on top of all this blood tracking. [sounds like i'm on a hunt]

So, Christmas is right around the corner....
What do you want?
I want a LAPTOP, which I'm not going to get, but a girl can dream, right?
Take care,
Bethanne

Cookies at Christmas

BG: 70

Doing a cookie swap.
So, the question is, what do I make?

How about Cappuccino Crinkles?
Sounds sooooo good, doesn't it?

There's a part of me that feels guilt not making something sugar free. When I was growing up, my diet was always about what I could get sugar free. Holidays and special occasions consisted of the extra stuff... fake oreos, sugar free gummy bears and candy canes. I'm working my way out of that guilt trip. I don't blame anyone for those conceptions, that's just the way diabetes worked twenty years ago. Now, it's different.

My cookbook is wonderful enough to give me nutritional values, so Carb counting is made easy and my insulin doses are USUALLY accurate. My first doctor EVER, Dr. Whalen, always reminded me to give myself a break. Have a cookie on occasion because a rigid mentality would lead to burnout. He was probably right, but I wouldn't know, because I've been giving myself a break for 20 years! Haha. That didn't sound right. anyway, I'm just grateful to him for steering me towards mental health as well as physical health.

Have a great NEW WEEK!
Read something fun.
Bethanne

Diabetes or Fat?

BG: 114

This morning, my family was fortunate [and blessed] to take part in the annointing of the sick. It was a spur of the moment gesture after Mass that my Hubby thought we could do. Everyone's been under the weather for days and days.

So, I'm sitting there, and my mind drifts to the days when praying for healing seemed like a big deal. [Not saying it isn't, btw] But when I get to the bottom line, I start comparing....

Would you rather be Diabetic or Fat?

Well, Diabetic, thank you very much. I'm not about to make any deals with God over this disease, that's for sure. It can be a pain, but it's not the end of the world. There are worse things in life than Diabetes--like child abuse or cancer or loneliness....

So, I prayed for healing today. Prayed that God would clear my sinuses, clear my kids' sinuses, and get my hubby a job [that's a kind of healing too, if you ask me :D].

I'd love to know, what would you trade for your Diabetes?

BG: 75

Three days and nothing to worry about.
YAY! That's what I'm thinking on right now as Saturday comes to an end, and I realize, I've had my kids in this house for THREE days with only a few minor disturbances. :D

Not bad, eh? Makes me think Christmas break will be tolerable AND enjoyable!
How did your break end? Are you still with us? Are you laid out, exhausted from the travel and activities?

I'm wishing you peace!
With Love,
Bethanne

Suckage

BG: 397 <-- who has the power now? WTF

You know that commercial for antique roadshow?
Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't.

Right now, I have no clue.

Health Insurance

BG: 107

You know I've been sick for a while... well, today I finally feel like I'm back on my feet for good, and tomorrow I will exercise. Yay!

Unfortunately, we are not going to see family for Thanksgiving. It's part okay and part disappointing. You know, after a good 5 days of being down, an 8 hour trip hardly sounds exciting. More than that, though, my brother-in-law is supposed to have surgery in December. It's a surgery he has rescheduled at least twice. Can you imagine if he caught something while we were there?!?!?! We'd never live it down! Not only that, but the've met all the deductibles for the year...and if they have to go next summer, they'll end up paying way more out-of-pocket.

Let me tell you, this is something I completely understand! I do not want my name on anything that may [or may not] hinder this surgery from happening. :D We're all praying for you, John! Maybe we'll see you after Christmas.

So, Matt has scheduled the first ever Annual Wii Tournament!! All day Thursday to battle the best in games like Wii Sport, Wii Ski, Mario Kart, and Lego Star Wars.
May the best Strasser win.
~Bethanne

SICK!

BG: 130

ICK! Rhino Virus. The common cold. Congestion. Inability to speak.
My suagrs are stable, though. I find that a plus, because in the past, I've always found my sugars high when I was sick.

...maybe my basals really have been that far off for that long. Ugh.

I am taking meds that are not diabetic recommended. Nite Time Cold and Flu. It helps. Thank God, no fevers, just inconvenience. :) AND, I'm starting to feel better.

Travelling to my sister-in-law's this week for Thanksgiving and looking forward to it.
I hope everyone has a blessed holiday full of family and thankgiving.
Today, I'm especially thankful for Sunshine. :D
Take care,
Bethanne

VLOG--Diabetes Police

I thought I'd share this insightful episode from Mike Lawson:

If I had a million Dollars Game

BG: 182
Stole this one from my other BLOG.

You remember that song by Bare Naked Ladies? If I had a million dollars I'd buy you a monkey? Well somehow it got stuck in my head the other day and hasn't gone away. And it's left me wondering what five things I would want if I had a million dollars. OK, more like a say, ten million (accounting for inflation since that song came out), but for reasons of cleverness in this blog post title, if I had a million dollars I would ...


Have a library like this ...




In a house like this ... [yes, there's a housekeeper]




And drive this car ...




Vacation here ...




With style like this ...




Now it's your turn. Pick five things you would have/do if you had unlimited funds. Trust me, I know we'd all do something good with that money (I'd set up funds for couples wishing to adopt), but this is a purely selfish post. So be selfish and on your blog, post five pictures of what you would do with a million dollars. Be sure to put a link to your blog in the comments so I can see what you all would really want!

End of Day Report

BG: 63

Reaching the end of my day with a scowl, I thought to myself, "Are you going to let CRAP win?"

So, I put my sweats on and did my morning exercises. 30 minutes of high intensity aerobics with Ellen on Crunch, Burn and Firm: Pilates.

I made Donuts

BG: 147

Yes, I did. And they are gooooood. So I gave about half of them away. What can a diabetic girl do? Right? Still, my family enjoyed them...and I find my time in the kitchen soothing, which I really need a lot of right now.

And praying helps. Remembering all the things I'm thankful for, how I'm blessed. Offering my crazy rantings up to God would be a good thing to do BEFORE I go off on my hubby... LOL

I skipped exercise this morning. WHY?! I wish I hadn't. Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow, I'll exercise. Mall walking, anyone? :D

World Diabetes Day

It's a day to celebrate all the blessings...

Can't Stop

BG: 155

Every afternoon, I start eating...and I can't seem to stop. A little snack here, and little snack there. Here a snack, there a snack, everywhere a snack, snack. Consequently, my sugars before dinner have been up near 200 for about 3 days. I even increased my basal a hair yesterday to try to curb that curve. Didn't work.

Maybe it's the exercise. I'm finishing up my first week of exercising regularly. It's possible I just need to be more careful.

Mindful snacking is okay...it's the mindless kind that keeps biting me in the butt!!!

...could be that time of the month. :P
Have a great weekend, everyone.
~Bethanne

End of Day Report

BG: 158

I had a pleasant memory today. A good one, from before Diabetes. I've thought of it off and on throughout the years and a friend's post about candy on Facebook today resurrected it.

When I was a kid, three little girls could walk... at least 6 blocks to 7-Eleven. Gosh, it might have even been more like ten or fifteen! [The world was definitely bigger then.] We had our stash of cash, and came back to Mary's house with good gobs of candy. I remember the Runts especially. I don't know why. After sorting it all, and rationing it, we took off to do something else.

Whatever we were doing in those days...a quick trip to Richmond Park, a run through the sprinkler, a walk around the block to me and my sister's house. On our return, we found Mary's brother eating our CANDY!

The memory sets a glaring light on how different my world is today. Forget Diabetes, how different the world is for my children. Where is the freedom of childhood for my children? It doesn't exist like it did before. Do I move to a smaller town? Do I search for the past?

My memories of life on the West side are so dear to me. Friends from those days are still my friends today and will be my friends tomorrow, too. When I write my stories, I pull from those memories. I pull from the emotions those memories evoke, because they are heartfelt and reminiscent of innocence. Deep down, I think the memories are why my stories so often feature reunions, old friendships and lost love. [No, I'm not pining over lost love. :P]

So, tell me. What is your favorite childhood memory?
...and have a great week!
~Bethanne

Secret Feelings

BG: 114

I'm really okay with my diabetes. It can be pain, but overall...there are worse things. Like Diane, a mother from my kids' school who sings in the choir at church on Sunday and was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I complain about insurance, how inconvenient, how seemingly inefficient it is, yet I recieved 800 test strips last week and only paid $71. I might have paid $51, but wanted to get them overnighted. That's... Wow. I ordered the CGMS and paid just under $200. When I get down or discouraged about how much my premiums are, I only have to do the math to realize, I'm making out.

I got an email this evening that put me on RED alert. Selfish, unkind thoughts running rampant through my mind at the thought that my brother-in-law bought a house [and it's awesome! says he]. I'm really happy for him... and really surprised by the jealous, discontented feelings that sprung up in my heart over such good news. :(

What's your secret feeling? Is there someone you love, who you've never told? Do you dream of things that might never be? A dislike that brings you to your knees?

Some days, I feel that there is so much inside me...with nowhere to put it. It's like carrying that skeleton instead of stuffing it in the closet. *sigh*

How morose!!! [to be uplifted visit Kerri Sparling]
Better days on the morrow.
Take care,
Bethanne

Going Out

BG: 140 [thank God (and my insulin)! down after a hyper afternoon]

Messed up my afternoon with a high. Not sure exactly how it happened, but when I checked it found it 301, corrected [more on that in a minute] and checked again in an hour, it was still 269. I feel I know myself pretty well. I keep my sensitivity at 4hours knowing that I probably peak at about 2-2.5 hours because usually when I correct, I'm down by at least half in an hour. So, I changed my site, just in case and corrected again.

I did some unaccounted for snacking. I'm pretty sure. An oversight that bit my ....butt later. So, when my correction units said .8, I doubled. My pump keeps track of how much insulin is active--and though some people say, bleh--I really like this feature.

Anyway, I'm off to Dougherty's Pub and Pins for dinner with some girlfriends. A much needed night out. Cheers!
Bethanne

End of Day Report

BG: 78 -- drats, I'll have to eat something...but not too much because then my sugar will probably pop right out of the lines. *eyeroll* Maybe with my new overnight basal I shouldn't eat at all. Maybe I can cruise on this... yeah, right. The risk is too high.

See? Now I was going to get on here and talk about something NOT diabetes related!

Like, hey! I read this really fun book over the weekend. Heather Graham's The Death Dealer, a whodunit of classic proportions. Wonderful dialogue, colorful characters and even ghosts thrown in to make it all a little more interesting. Have you ever watched the old black and white movies? Gas Light? Arsenic and Old Lace? That's how reading this felt. It was perfect for the Halloween weekend.

Did I figure it out? Not officially. :D I was never able to pin it down... perhaps my wits have been dulled by too much Max and Ruby and Baby Einstein. Late nights and early mornings...

One other thing, my husband made the most unusual gesture yesterday. He was telling me about his day in the woods. He's hunting for deer this week. He had a chance at a doe, but didn't take it because it had a fawn with it. I looked at him with a question in my eye and he shrugged, "The fawn needs someone to look after it."

I shook my head with a smile. Maybe that's SOP for hunters, but I'd never thought of it before, and to hear that tender sentiment was surprising... and nice.

So I teased him for being a softy.

National Bethanne Month

That's what I'm calling it because not only is it National Diabetes [Awareness] Month, it's also National Novel Writing Month....

now, I'm not sure what to do about the diabetes month, but for sure, I'll be spending any spare time I have adding words to a new manuscript for this years race to 50k. How to combine the two....

Well, there's always a Glucose testing marathon....
or perhaps a no simple sugar AT ALL challenge. *scratching head* Hmm...
A get-your-own-CGMS goal. I like that one.

I guess, the thing of it is... diabetes is more than writing the next novel. I can put my writing aside when I get tired or discouraged. I can pick up a favorite book to read in hopes of inspiration. Getting out with friends and family helps me revitalize the muses.

So, maybe it's not just my month. Maybe it's everyone else's month, too. Time to help others become aware of the disease that effects so many people from birth to middle age to death. So, I think, once a week, I will recognize another person on my blog who has diabetes like me.

Halloweenie

BG: 64

I feel like such a WEENIE!!!!

I mean really. One day with an obnoxious amount of candy around, and already I'm seeing a couple of spikes... and feeling unnecessarily junk food hung over. You know what I mean... you don't even have to be diabetic to know what a junk food hang over feels like. Heck, you don't even have to be hyperglycemic.

It's that feeling of needing to brush your teeth...
of wanting to put your head down on the desk and take a nap...
of having a strange desire/desperation to eat meat or a salad.

Well, maybe that's just me. But I don't eat crap well.
I'm not saying I don't like it...
If I didn't like it, I wouldn't have a junk food hangover!!!

I've got to figure something out.
The dietary journal is a decent start. Going to the doctor for an appointment on Tuesday is good motivation to NOT have Reeses, Hersheys, Twizzlers, and KitKats written down between every meal. Still, I need something more.

Oh! Maybe if I got on the scale at every meal, that would also be a good reminder to avoid the kid's candy. *sigh* I'll get there. I am determined. Wonder if I could start exercising up at the mall this week.

Time to call in my girlfriends.
Happy All Saint's Eve, friends!

Hypos

BG: 59
I think I was LOW almost all night long.
Waking at 3ish, didn't help. My screeching alarm woke me, but I turned it off and went back to sleep. :P Grrr.
When my youngest woke up and needed a diaper, I got out of bed and went to change his diaper--or something. In any case, I remember being very confused about the entire situation.

When my husband was helping me get the kids ready for school about an hour and a half later [I'd already juiced up], Seanny had no diaper on. He was wandering around with just his pants on. Yup. Not a good idea. I'm surprised Sean didn't say anything to me. He would. He's the kind of kid who tells me to put his seatbelt on when I'm getting him in the car. [as if I wouldn't!!!]

Anyway, hypoglycemia can suck!

I threw it AWAY!

BG: 69

First, I have to show you what's in my yard right now. We have these crazy landpeople who have filled our yard with a number of trees--cigar trees, elms, sycamores, maples, curly-leaved willows... They are on the verge of choking each other out [the trees, I mean], BUT right now, it's too pretty to complain. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days ago, I woke up in the night after [another] nightmare. I swear, these crazy dreams keep coming to me. Anyway, I was headachy, crampy... it was awful. I had my CGMS in, the one with the Tylenol warning. So, I just got fed up and pulled the thing, took two Tylenol and went back to bed. This morning--don't ask me how--I woke from a sound sleep on a gasp. Matt rolled over and asked me what was wrong. "Oh no! I threw my transmitter away!" With a pounding heart, I sat for a minute to catch my breath and think. Think, think! Where was I when I took that thing out?

Thank God, after digging through the bathroom garbage, I found it. Seriously, I don't know how I thought of it... it really was Inspired. I'm about to send it back to Dexcom and without the transmitter, I'm sure I would NOT be getting any money back. :P Phew!

Diet LOGGING

So, I've gotten back into the swing of things, and now I need to start keeping a log of my food intake.

This is going to be TEDIOUS. I've never done this well. Ever. But, I can't go on guessing at this anymore. :) So, I'll start today. But first, I'll buy a really cool notebook and an even cooler, super-duper pen. :D Cuz who doesn't like to buy stationary and stuff to write with??!?!?!

I have a really cool like here, if anyone is interested in being eligible for a FREE CGMS from Minimed. They are giving 25 away to instant winners the first week in November. Then, at the new year, they are picking 25 more to random winners from a drawing of all who sign up. HERE.

It's something to think and read about, in case you are interested. A CGMS is important for T1s and T2s. I actually had a nurse from my doctor's office question me when I told her I checked my sugar a least 8 times a day. She said, "Ooh, honey. I dont' have any patients who check more than four times a day." Um, I don't care. Maybe if they did, they would be less likely to get complications? I even told her I was Type I, thinking she must be thinking I'm II even with my chart sitting right in front of her. The irritating part was, that they sent my last Rx in to the pharmacy wrong. 4x when I stood at their desk and said, 6-8 times a day!!!! Then, the first gal I talked to called the Rx in and she didn't tell them 30 days, she didn't give any number for refills.... so that's when I called and talked to the second lady. I really like my doctor, but I wonder if I would do better with an endocrinologist who deals specifically with Type I diabetes. :P *sigh*

Here's an even crazier story. When my hubby lost his job, we touched on the idea of Medicaid for the kids and possibly me. Cobra is expensive and we knew it was going to be tight. So, we had our Cobra and applied for Medicaid--resentfully, on my part. I was on Medicaid when I was pregnant with a couple of the kids, and I promised myself we would not do that again. I didn't want to... I didn't like it. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we came to the end of our rope and felt we had to cross over and take advantage of it. But then, walah, Matt did a couple of side jobs and we were able to pay for our BCBS coverage again. It hadn't ended yet, either, THANK GOD! So, when a week and a half ago, I called everyone to tell them we were on a new insurance, This week, I'm calling them all back to tell them we aren't. I think I'm going to pull my hair out. Haha. Still, we're the lucky ones that we can squeak by on our BCBS, but also that we have something to fall back on... Most people don't. Most diabetics who aren't covered can't even get on Medicaid or Medicare. It's disheartening. :( It makes me very sad.

End of Day Report

BG: 130
BG [CGM]: 129, it's really accurate. If you are a sucker for accuracy, the Dexcom is a GREAT CHOICE. [i found both the MM and Dex equally accurate (and inaccurate, for that matter) over my trial periods, so I'm not rooting for one over the other--they both have + and -]

Long day today. Sort of an emotionally charged [possibly PMS related, but I'm not saying so] day. :P Had a nice long, much needed discussion [okay, it was a fight] with the husband. It really does clear the air, you know? I always hate it at the time, but without it, we'd be boring... and stagnant... never changing... ew.

Sugars were good, but I think I'll be regulating my basals here soon. Lots of lows after dinner and through the night. Will be good to change that basal...and my dinner bolus, too--possibly.

One good thing today, Matt [and I] scrounged a few more [hundred] dollars up to pay for a couple more months of the health insurance. woohoo... [tiny little sarcasm] It is a good thing. Will be even better when Matt has a full time job. :D Yay God! Get Matt a job that he can enjoy and love. [i don't care if it's a lot to ask...]

Exercise

BG [CGM]: 94

My new bike. Got it for my birthday and have ridden it a few times. Can't help but like it. It's a cruiser--and maybe that's not cool, but I don't care! It has a basket, great for carrying my snacks, water bottles, Dexcom reciever, keys, glucose monitor... you get the idea. I have a lot of baggage.

Today, my first BIG ride. I thought I was going to die! I might live in the middle of a corn field, but we do have a few significant hills through our parks. I had to walk my bike up the last one. But it felt good. I'll feel it more tomorrow, I'm sure. My ride started out a little on the high side, 168. I'd forgotten my glucometer, grrrr. Thank goodness for the CGMS. Without it, I would have gone home.

I had my reciever hooked to my basket........over my first big bump, I watched a few hundred dollars fly up off the basket. My heart stopped. I could just see the thing bouncing from the basket or my bike handle and catapulting into the woods. THANKFULLY, it jumped from my handle bars BACK into the basket. Sheesh. I left it there. It's neat clipped on the rim, but apparently NOT practical! Phew.

I snacked on a breakfast bar [19g carbs] on the way home (I'd forgotten a water bottle, too). When I got home, I was at 89... as you can see in the picture. :D


If you are looking really closely, you'll see the high in the graph from before I went on the bike ride, then it sloped down. Very cool technology. I wish I was comfortable with it, completely! Still on the fence, though I did go back to keeping it since my last post. *eyeroll*

The Unexpected

Part of being a diabetic is expecting the unexpected. Even upon finding the perfect basal rate with the optimal bolus amount, things can still go awry. Highs, lows... they happen even when I think it shouldn't! I guess that's why I carry sugar and my meter and a card with my name and diagnosis on it. Not to mention the sweetners and gum. Man! Those highs can really make you want something to chew on. :D

Speaking of unexpected, Matt decided he wanted to join the military a couple of months ago. His options are limited in that he has overcome the age limit for both the Marines and Air Force. But, he comes from a Navy family, and wouldn't mind doing the Army either. All that aside, he hasn't closed any doors. He has resumes out with public accounting firms, corporations.... and this week, he applied for a finance position with our local Harley Davidson dealer.

Sooo, when I was online at Medtronic today, I thought, 'what the hell. Let's see what's going on over at the career page.' They are also looking for a tax accountant. So, now he's got an opportunity there, as well....

...and I'm thinking of all the stuff I could get in on from the get-go!!! LOL *sigh* It's a long shot [meaning, that he would take another corporate job], but hey, you never know. An unexpected opening to something new.

What do you eat in Autumn?

BG: 69

Every season brings its own trials and delights for a diabetic.

Food. How do we deal with it. How do we manage it? How do we celebrate it?
I love fall for its food... Chili, stewes, apples, hot cocoa, cider, breads. The list goes on. Is it a matter of self control? Will power?

Well, yeah. Our tug of war with the disease is just that, isn't it? But I don't think food should limit our joy.

Perhaps you're thinking, that's easy for you to say. You can just pump some insulin and eat whatever you want. Well, maybe that's true to a certain extent. I am blessed to be T1. I have the flexibility of counting carbs. I don't have insulin resistance and I don't need pills.

But, my weakness still lies in food. Weight gain and simple sugars can not be succumbed by insulin alone. So... how can we enjoy the celebration of the season without ruining our therapeutic efforts?

The good: eat the foods you can harvest. Fruits, vegetables... high fiber foods that are delicious. Foods that take some time to prepare, squashes, carrots, potatoes, etc but are mostly overlooked.

The bad: allow yourself an indulgence every once in a while. Take a little extra insulin or a longer walk. Don't cut out all your favorites or you will burnout from this disease.

The obvious: sugar substitutes. They aren't a replacement for carbs, but I do find that they curb the spike when I want something like pie or cake. I realize that lots of people nay the substitutes...it's a chemical. I get that, but the trade off seems much worse: coffee, plain!

Three ways to help you make it, one day at a time, right? That's all we have to do...

End of Day Report

BG: 168
BG[CGM]: 198

So it has come down to this...
2 weeks with the Dexcom, and I'm about to send it back.

Why, you ask?

Well, I'll tell you. It has to do with efficiency. It's not that I've been dissatisfied with the product. No. The product has done everything it claimed to do. There are features it doesn't have that I wish it did, but even those small things are not why I'm returning it.

It's data management. When I thought it wouldn't matter to have two sets of data, to have two sets of CDEs and RDs working on my behalf, I was wrong. I have some serious maintenance to do on my PUMP settings...basal rates, bolus options, etc. I really want someone who KNOWS my pump to be my primary consultant along with my doctor. And for me, that means giving up the Dexcom and [eventually] going with the Minimed.

This has definitely been a learning experience for me. I'm one of the lucky ones who has been privileged to trial both CGMSs--Dexcom and Minimed. I found they both had pluses and minuses. Where one had a nicer transmitter, the other had better software. For me, accuracy wasn't an issue with either of the devices. Unlike some users, they were equal in that. Off more with the highs than the lows, and when I didn't calibrate.

I found that I tend to feel guilty when I have to make a choice... but that first and foremost, both companies are on my side. They want me to have their product, yes but they are people wanting to make life better for diabetics first. I think, in the long run, how can a company [or its representatives] fault me for my choice? This is a business with a mission to the diabetes community... and if I get to live 10 or 20 years longer because I had a CGMS, who the heck cares who made it?

:D Okay, yes, that definitely sounds like the bipartisan consumer. Haha.
I just want peace for all. ;-)
have a great week.
Bethanne

End of Day Report

BG: 113

I hate days where I'm eating small bits all day long. I had a day like that today. I know it's supposed to boost the metabolism, but I don't think that counts when at 4:30pm you eat a peice of Papa Murphy's pizza 34 carbs and dual, and at 5:30pm you TEST the potato soup for 33 carbs, and 6ish, you decide you want a small bowl for 27 carbs, and you top it all off with a glass of wine for 18 carbs... seriously. That's NOT what they mean!! LOL Still, we didn't do a sit down dinner, so I just kept popping things into my mouth.

I'm done now, though.

....4 1/2 hours later....
had some wine and sat outside around the fire. Prominent lows through the evening. CGMS was beeping at me off and on. Tried to hide it, but finally got caught when my neighbor said, "Are you beeping?" Haha.
Up now to 86 and still rising.
Feel fine. :)
Happy Sunday!

Dexcom CGMS

I went a week--as you well know--and I'm uncertain about the CGMS. Partly. I know I have to get used to it. [I'm reiterating, aren't I? Sorry.] Anyway, I'm going to do another week with the Dexcom, then decide if I want to keep it. If I use it the way is recommended...not as a replacement to fingersticking...then it seems pointless to have the second device. See, I ended up turning most of the alerts off of the Dexcom. I was able to relax when I wasn't watching the numbers, which is the key, I think. So, if I'm just trending, then I don't see the point of having two sources of data. *sigh* I really thought the separate data wasn't going to matter. I'm just not sure any more. Another week to get in a groove, then I'll see. :)

Fall is here! I'm so loving the weather. It's cool. A little wet. Colorful. It's beautiful. Despite the diabetes see-sawing, I'm very happy!
Thanks for stopping in.
I hope you enjoy the fall as much as I do.
With Love,
Bethanne

Diabetes Forums

I got a funny feeling last night.
After days of not visiting a diabetes forum, I tried to get in and couldn't. The message notified me that I did not have access to this page, which I thought was strange. I'm not an obssessive frequenter there, but I like to go in occasionally, see how people are doing, hear what's new, ask a question.

I'll go back at least a few days....
I was there and popped into a discussion where someone was bashing Minimed for their lousy product. Apparently, he had trouble with the canula on his infusion set. This is bad. This is very bad for a diabetic. He fell asleep and went into ketoacidosis, and of course, he mentioned the thousands of dollars he had to pay for a hospital bill, etc. It's a sad, almost tragic story. And sure, MM is to blame for that malfunction. But he called it "bad form"... and I'm sorry, I just don't see that. It's tiring, hearing sob stories... do something about it, do something about the issue then [reasonably] understand that bashing a company probably is BAD FORM. This guy is more than welcome to NOT use Minimed. I can understand how he would be uncomfortable using the product. It takes trust...

But I want to hear the rest of the story. Did he contact the company? He should have gotten his money back. Did they call him an idiot and say screw you? [I doubt it.] Right now, he's just a ranting, disgruntled guy on a smear campaign.

I mean, if you go to bed and your sugar's really high already, why not bolus a correction and wait an hour? Check again... if your sugar hasn't lowered in an hour or two, you might want to change your site, change your stuff. This exact thing happened to me once and I spent an entire day fighting to get low, not knowing that a large part of the insulin being delivered was not making it under my skin. When I found the tubing was broken off at the reservior top, I remember thinking back to an instance when the pump had gotten caught on something. I mean, it's just tubing. It doesn't have superpowers. It's not titanium... YOU are still responsible for your management.

I offended someone on the boards... I think. That was not my intention.

Some forums are full of angry, know-it-all type of people... some forums, it's hard to get a word in edge wise. Sometimes, it just feels like high school all over again. I do have a problem with having an account/profile in there. I would like to be able to close it....

What can I do now, though? Nothing. And that's okay, too. My conscience is clear... if that matters. I guess it doesn't, especially not to whomever it was I upset. For that, I am sorry. I feel it's better to know and be confronted. UGH. It feels crappy to be in this position.

Doing what you don't want to

Do you ever feel like you just want to throw your hands up and say, NO!

Although this sounds like an opening to a discussion about Diabetes, it's not. Haha. I'm supposed to make all these phone calls to people in my parish, inviting them to come to the Parish Mission next week. But I don't wanna!



This morning, I got up and really wanted to ride my bike. Rock Springs has this great trail running through it, with that in mind, I packed a bag and tossed my bike into the back of Matt's truck. [I think I bent the kickstand doing that] My sugars had been decent all morning, so I felt good to go. Then the truck didn't start, and remembering that my hubby needed to mess with the battery and possibly the starter, I [sighed first] then opted for just riding around the neighborhood. I pulled my bike from the truck bed and went back inside to let Matt know. Feeling kind of odd, I tested my sugar and it was 49. UGH! How frustrating! I was so mad, I just wanted to cry. But I ate something instead and waited about 15 minutes. I wasn't quite 100, but decide to head out anyway. I get about 3 pedal turns from the driveway and have to stop because the pedal is hitting the kickstand. I go back inside and Matt fixes it. Finally, I'm out on my bike...

And it was a good workout. Not too long, but long enough for these unworked muscles.

...now I just have to decide what to do about these phone calls. Maybe I should pay my kids to do it for me. Why? Why did I agree to this? I don't talk well to the people I do know! I am not the extrovert. *sigh*

Just so you know, I'm having some serious trouble with my CGMS. Not in the physical sense, but the mental. I wish I could report differently. Maybe it's because I've only just recently getting serious about my management. Maybe I need a buffer. I don't know...

Maybe it's just too much change for me at one time: diabetes therapy, cgms, a new job, military life... I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I don't know what to do with this continuous glucose data. I think my next step will be to silent all the alerts on this thing except for the low and high. That's not a bad idea. My biggest beef right now is wishing the cgms was linked to my pump... *sigh* I can be a fickle gal, can't I? :P

Mindset

BG[CGM]: 250 and trending down, FINALLY! Sheesh. What a day. :P
BG: 215

I'm trying to switch over to the CGMS mindset. It's not easy to rely on that technology 100%, even for the trends. Second guessing and impatience have been the overall feeling so far... BUT, I'm keeping at it. Eventually, I'll come around.

~~~~~~~

And some days we just need to hear something funny...

A Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices a fully
equipped bar with Guinness on tap, plus a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.

Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to
confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more
inviting these days."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

End of Day Report

BG[CGM]: 154, and holding steady. :P

Well, I got to a point where I started doubting the CGMS, and so I ended up checking sugars on my meter more than I expected to today. The variances I've experienced since making the video yesterday after first hooking up messed with my head. I understand the blood vs. interstitial fluid argument, yet at the same time, my sugars do not normally spike. They haven't spiked in the 24+ hours I've worn the CGMS. That Frosty-cino I blogged about here did the job, but in general my sugar charts look like rolling hills, some taller than others. So, I'm starting to contemplate my goals with the CGMS. If its purpose is to mark trends, than maybe wearing it 24 hours isn't necessary.

On the other hand, when Matt joins the military later this year, I want to believe that the CGMS can offer me a measure of security when I'm alone with my kids. Can it? Should I expect it? I believe the answer is yes. I also believe that overall, the competing companies have comparable products. Little differences here and there, conveniences, pros and cons. That competition will continue to instigate improvement. I think right now, the cons of both the Dexcom and the Minimed are enough that you could chose one over the other and not really be better off, one way or the other. That's just me. I'm pretty laid back. I like the infusion and transmitter device better on the Dexcom. That's why I went with it. That to me--at this point in my life--was more important than having the transmitter linked to my pump instead of another device. For someone on the go ALOT, they might feel differently. I'm not. Yes, I have four children, but really... I'm a writer, so I sit here. If I'm away from my desk I'm in my kitchen, which is a few feet away or i'm in the car with my purse. Not a big deal to me.

I'm justifying for myself. I know that my choice is my choice...but, of course--and Matt thinks I'M COMPLETELY NUTTY--I feel bad having to choose one over the other. That's me. The feel-bad-girl. I need to be okay with the decision, and I am. :) thanks for listening to me drone on and on again.

CGM tracking me down to 129, but it's been at least 45 minutes since I started this blog post. I really do love this CGMS technology. It's fabulous! I told the rep, I could just sit here and watch it...

Vlog Crazy

BG: 126 [according to the CGM, which was slightly off earlier this evening--after dinner 168 when the Sensor picked up a 139. Maybe not huge, but enough to wonder. :)]

Don't worry, I won't go crazy on you with this video thing. BUT! I did a quickie today after I met with the Minimed rep and she hooked me up with the CGMS for a little trial run. Hope you enjoy!

VLOG--the salter nutritional scale

So, here it is... :D Very cool.




And for... the rest of the story.



...I really am excited. hahaha.

End of Day Report

BG: 126

Your finger is a pressurized can of fruit punch. You know how your mom used to puncture the top of the can, first on one side then on the other in order to pour the drink?

Sometimes, I prick my finger once, and nothing happens. When I prick it again, it bleeds in both spots. WTF? The phenomenon is only slightly less known that the geyser effect. We've all seen that... when blood spurts out unexpectedly--into your eye, all over your keyboard, the steering wheel. Ew.

Quiet day today, I changed out all the kid's clothing--summer for fall/winter. YAY! I love doing this! I love that for one to three days, my boy's dressers will be neat, that they will be pleased by the new clothes and WANT them to be neat. Everyone is covered for the winter months, thank goodness... We're short a few pairs of shoes. Ugh.

I got a bike for my birthday. I'm really excited about it. The rain hasn't stopped since I got it, so no big rides for me, yet, but I'm looking forward to it. Matt is also starting to work out. He ran today... or no, yesterday. I think he's nervous about the military physical and training. Not because he's a wimp. He's not!! But, he doesn't 'work out'... he just works. :) He'll do fine, I know it. I think we're going to get into shape together.

I look forward to getting my Salter Nutritional Scale this week. Not sure how it's going to work, but I think the effort will be worth it. Getting the numbers correct... less guessing on carb values. My sugars are excellent, but hovering on the lower side, and I wonder if I need to cut back again. Either go to the 1unit for 15 carbs or keep messing with the basals. I don't like eating just to raise my sugar levels. I would rather NOT be eating to keep it down. anyhoo...

I can't complain. I will have a CGMS soon and will be able to do basal tests without all the finger sticking!!!!!!!!! WHOOT! Yay!!!
Happy Sunday.
Love
Bethanne

Two hours later...

BG: 100

On Amazon, I bought a Salter Nutritional Scale. It has 900 foods stored for all sorts of data! I'm trying to be good about this.... LOL Let's just say, that lunch--if it was 106g Carbs--did not get used like other food I eat. My bolus at 1 unit for 12 grams of carbs has been looking really good, which means my guesstimate was closer than what Olive Garden's chart indicated.

Anyway, I bought two books through Amazon while I was on, a carb counting one and a diabetes one... I wanted to buy the Nora Roberts and Jaci Burton SOOOOOOO badly, you have no idea. I even added them to the cart. Still, that 100+ price range choked me up a little and I succumbed to reason, buying just the healthy, smart ones. :(

ROTTEN EGGS!!!!

Eating Out

is something I don't do very often. Matt and I, we just like being at home. But, occasionally, we splurge. Today, for my birthday we went to the Olive Garden. I didn't think to check the webpage for nutritional values, so I guesstimated. 79g Carbohydrates, actual Carbohydrates 106g!! 2hour post BG: 89

so the question is, who calculated the carbs? The menu values say a seving of salad w/ dressing is 22g CHO. 22g?? Where? Two little croutons?...okay big croutons, but still. 22g is like 2 peices of bread. dressing? That's mostly fat... some sugars. I don't know. I do know that if my sugar was 89 2hours later, taking insulin for 106g of carbs would have be the end! :D

It makes me feel a little frustrated, because the fact is, there are too many variables sometimes to get it right. The fat content was pretty high, totaling about 46 g. Sooo, that probably means I'll spike a little later. Fat slowing the sugar/carb absorption. I'll be interested to see what my sugar is in another two hours. I've tried the Dual Wave bolus--that gives me a boost of insulin but also a dose over a few hours--and I don't like it. My sugar is HIGH after the meal then back to normal in about two hours. I'll keep playing with it, hoping to get it right, but unless I have a high fat meal, which is rarely, I don't know that I see the point. :)

Am I making any sense?
What are we to do? How can we manage without hiccups when there are so many variables? From person to person, from food to food--X amount of carbs means nothing unless you know what the food is and how YOUR body will react to it. And how WILL your body react to it? Well, let's see....

Did I exercise? Did I just wake up? What time of the month is it? Am I sick? Do I have a cold? Yeah, it's that EASY. :P

My Trip to St. Louis

BG: 120 <-- quick story, I'm trying to work out this bolus delivery thing. I know the dual wave, which gives a quick boost and then also a square dose of the insulin, is supposed to be most like the body's use of insulin. BUT, I have no idea how to make the ratio. Does it work to just 50/50? If my meal is high protein, would I go more on the square? How long should the square last? OMG! It's insane! The better question is who do I ask about this? Keep reading for the rest of the story.

Tonight, after a long day in St. Louis for my son's Endocrine appointment [he has growth hormone issues], we stopped a Wendy's to get him chicken nuggets, and... well, I got the Frosty-cino Shake. It was, by far, the yummiest, yummy I've eaten in...I don't know how long. It was rich, coffee-like, creamy. Mmmm. And I took enough insulin...so, I guess I'm confused about insulin action. Or, more likely, I just shouldn't eat THAT GOODNESS!! because in one hour my sugar was 221, then in another hour it was back down to 120. So, nevermind... I'm a diabetic, if I splurge, I'm going to see it. That spike just proves I am diabetic. Haha. Taking more insulin wouldn't have made the insulin more affective[/effective? Ugh!]. And if I'd taken more, I probably would have bottomed out later--evidenced by the 120 at 2hours. *sigh* It really was heaven through a straw.

Sidenote: I met with the Dexcom representative today and saw the SevenPlus CGMS. Way cool! I still can't believe that Minimed isn't on this... that they can't even give me a projected date for when they might have something updated from their current sensor. That sorta pushed me over into the Dexcom camp. If Minimed could say, yes, by the end of this coming year, we're looking at a sensor that is smaller, more accurate, etc, etc, etc, I might have waited. Now, it looks like I'm just going to have to wait until next fall to get my Dexcom linked up with my NEW PING. *shrug* Maybe? Nothing is ever set in stone, but that's what I'm seeing right now. It would be nicer, if the MM sensor was more compatible with my lifestyle. Of course, Dexcom won't be without its cons, either [but let's be honest, it's diabetes that's inconvenient!]. I will have an extra thingy, about the size of my pump, to carry around with me. I'm thinking of where I can put it. Any ideas?

Basals, Fine

Dinner: 120

Did the basal test again through the morning, and everything stayed in range.
So, I'll mess with my boluses for the morning. Was at 1 unit/10 grams. Changed to 15 grams. Will do a two hour check in about 45 minutes to see what it is.

Had a great weekend.
Meeting with Mike Thomas tomorrow after Sean's appointment. Whoot!
Very excited about that.
Have a great week, all you who visit, and those that don't.
Love,
Bethanne

End of Day Report

BG: 92

Well, today was interesting... sugars were closer to where I like them, but on the other side of the fence. A little lower than is good. An hour ago my sugar was 41... now, me? I'm functioning at 41. I ate something, and expect to even out through the night, since it seems that's my most stable time... If all works out well [meaning no lows through the night], I may end up doing that basal test again through the morning.

I didn't make it through today. By 10am I was under 70 [and at the library, I might add!! LOL] and I ate a breakfast bar, 26 grams of carbohydrates. I stayed on the lower end, dipping again after lunch. I'm hoping this is a bolus issue...and I'm hoping if I do another basal test, I'll be able to prove that. I ate a bagel this morning with cream cheese, 53g carbs. Maybe I'll have to go back to 1unit for 15 grams? I don't know. I'll tell you tomorrow.

I'm off to St. Louis, MO for my son's appointment on Monday and am hoping that I might be able to meet up with the Dexcom rep that day. Wouldn't that be awesome? It's seems destined. I'd love to see the product, talk to the guy, get a feel for the logistics... etc. My fingers are crossed... I wish I had his email address, but I don't so I'll have to call his cell tomorrow. Hate doing that on the weekend, especially a Sunday. :( Oh well.

That's all for now.
Have a wonderful Sunday.
~Bethanne

The Morning After

7am: BG: 107 <-- that is wonderful. Yesterday at seven, my sugar was probably closer to 150 and steadily rising. After messing with my basals and this is what I see...

I'm really happy this morning.
I'm going to eat breakfast and do my midday basal testing today.

I was over visiting Keri's blog [again] and she mentioned [in passing] that she had been flatlining at 98 mg/dl all day. And that stopped me. Because--and I'm horribly out-of-date in my education, even though I do have a pump--some lessons get stuck in your brain...and I'll have alzheimers and still know that my after meal glucose levels are going to be about 50 mg/dl higher. [crazy run on, i know] But the thing is, since I've been doing more research and talking to people and...stuff. That just doesn't ring true anymore. Does a nondiabetics bloodsugar rise by that much after a meal? I'm starting to doubt it. And all around me are diabetics with 5 A1Cs...and i'm sorry, but that's not possible if you're going up to 150 after every meal....

Wow, that was a long paragraph.
So, a couple of things I'm going to do in the near future.
1) finish my basal testing
2) find a diabetes education course for my family--I think my kids need to know what's going on... they know I have diabetes, and sometimes I act crazy, but they should take a class. :P Something family and/or kid oriented.
3) Get the Dexcom, have it ordered before the end of September when we have decided we are going to switch over to the Medicaid card for good, until Matt starts a new job.

Basal Testing -- Finally

BG: 106 :D

I love seeing that number, although the truth of the matter is... that's a one hour post meal check. It should probably be a little higher than that. *eyeroll*

So, Basals. Did my night-time and morning basal testing.

It was pretty simple, and reflected the results of the 3 day iPro--normal to lower until morning hit.

4:30am 116
5:30am 92
6:30am 90
7:30am 168 -- can you believe that? in one hour...
8:30am 183 --
9:30am 195
10:30am 166
11:30am 167
12:00pm195 -- and I ate lunch.



I'm not a professional at this basal changing thing, so the next day or so is going to be edgy. I know that I have to go two hours prior from when I want to see different results. So, at 5:30 to 7:30, I need a boost. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I have my sensitivity figured [as accurately as possible] at 40mg/dl for one unit. In that case, I need about one unit to get that 7:30 number down to 130, so I added half a unit for each of the 2 hours before 7:30. Will it work?



I have no idea. You tell me. :D

Meme: I've come to realize...

BG: 95

Stolen from Kerri, who lifted it from George... A good way to end my day--reflecting.

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size … is about 2 feet by 3.5 feet and holds about 7 blankets.
2. I’ve come to realize that my job … has matured me and brought me joy.
3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving … I am usually going over the speed limit.
4. I’ve come to realize that I need … facts, details, action.
5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost … a kind and generous father-in-law.
6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when … my kids are frustrated.
7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk … I get emotional and weepy--> EW! I cry in my beer!
8. I’ve come to realize that money … DEFINITELY shouldn't be the only reason why people stay at their jobs. <-- that was Kerri's answer too, and I'm on it...like white on rice.
9. I’ve come to realize that certain people … don't understand what makes me tick.
10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always … go to church on Sunday.
11. I’ve come to realize that my siblings … always got my back.
12. I’ve come to realize that my mom … has a very BIG heart.
13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone …. oh, i don't have a cell phone!
14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning … I was clueless to what the day would bring. ...just when you think you know!
15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep … I really needed to work on my basal rates and bolus configurations.
16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking … of watching That 70's Show.
17. I’ve come to realize that my dad … is supportive and loving.
18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook … I like seeing what everyone is up to.
19. I’ve come to realize that today … was the first day of the rest of my life.
20. I’ve come to realize that tonight … the cool breeze brings me hope for the fall and a new season--literally and figuratively [like Mary Poppins, waiting for the wind to change...something big is bound to happen]
21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow … I will still love my husband.
22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to … tell a story that people will like.
23. I’ve come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is … LOL no one.
24. I’ve come to realize that life … is a grand journey
25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend … will be a first ever for me. My son will get a BB gun for his birthday. eek! he'll shoot his eye out!
26. I’ve come to realize that marriage … takes grace.
27. I’ve come to realize that my friends … make my life more well-rounded.
28. I’ve come to realize that this year … is one big freaking turning point for me, for my hubby, for our entire family.
29. I’ve come to realize that my ex is … still out there, and who cares?!
30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should … wax my eyebrows.
31. I’ve come to realize that I love … food. This didn't just happen. I didn't take long to realize, actually.
32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand … how a man's brain works.
33. I’ve come to realize my past … has made me who I am.
34. I’ve come to realize that parties … really can be a good time, if there are friends.
35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified … of one more change.

Rx Refills

BG: 130

My refill for my test strips came in and I had to sigh... [I do that too much!!] The Rx is written for testing 4 times a day, which is NOT going to cover it anymore. So, 400 strips will last me about 50 days, approximately. That's about half of the 90 day supply I should be getting.

How about you? How often are you testing? What do you consider your most important test of the day?

Mine is the fasting. I like starting the day off on the right foot. If I wake up with a number over 180, i'm chasing that high all day long--so it seems. :)

Slipping

Crazy weekend, and I found myself slipping into old habits.
Today, I ate a breakfast bar on the way to the library because I felt lowish...and I swear, I'm always low when I go to the library. My brain only has to think the word and my body is activating any pockets or stores of insulin. Don't ask me!

I should have checked--test don't guess.

Well, it was a fine trip, no more low feelings.
I'm starting to wonder what people who actually make their food from scratch do.
Soups, breads, casseroles, roasts--sauces, gravies. :P
My goal this week is to look into that. I do alot of my own baking and cooking, but I've been struggling with my Bolus wizard, because I don't know numbers. Just amounts of insulin I would normally take for that much of that particular food.

If you drop by and have any suggestions, please feel free to comment!
Have a great week.
Love,
Bethanne

The Big Debate

BG: 146

It feels almost cliche to blog about this now...but I think I will anyway, for my own sake.

I spent the last three days attached to the iPro, the professional grade [though I don't think it's different from the regular CGM from minimed] Continuous Glucose Monitoring System. I'm interested in talking to the MM rep so I can ask her about how the patient version works with my pump, how it differs from the iPro, do I really have to wear all that tape????

If you haven't guessed it, I was NOT overly impressed with the hardware. It was big and clunky...and a LOT Tapey. [I'm feaking out about posting a picture, because... of my belly, but this is sorta a medical journey... *shiver* Be brave Bethanne!]

So, there it is... is that usual? Does the sensor pod need to be taped down like that? The tape square is like what's used for IVs and it goes lower by another inch and a half. :P I don't know. I'm wondering if it would be worth it at this point.

On the other hand, I started looking at other companies and their products for diabetes management. Like Animas...and their One Touch Ping Pump, which is going to eventually be [somehow] linked with the Dexcom CGM--another sensor that LOOKS like a better deal all around than the Minimed option--size being a key component. [let's face it, size matters!] Time to start thinking...and start comparing...and deliberating.

I'm on the MM paradigm--a good pump, with good representation. I haven't been dissatisfied. But I'd like to see the paradigm do what the Ping is doing. Why isn't it? Why doesn't the paradigm pump have a remote/meter? Why doesn't the paradigm have smaller increments of delivery? I'm going to start asking lots of questions...

i'm in a sticky situation in regards to finances and insurances--getting laid off is a real bitch--so, part of me wants to jump right in and upgrade. The other part says, hold on... give it some time, see how the market goes. Maybe MM has something better in the works?

In case you're curious, the 3 day continuous monitoring results were eh. After seeing the MMrep last friday and getting on the Bolus Wizard my sugars have been rotten--if you ask me. But I'm sticking to it in hopes that with the logging and accuracy, I can actually get my basals figured out. The CGMS would be a great thing for this effort. For now, I'll just keep testing away. I'm up to about 8 times a day.

Hump Day and Still no modem

BG: ?? [please, i'm at the library! With only 60 minutes allowed on this thing, i'm not stopping for anything... not even a low! haha. Just Kidding.] I feel good, though. It was on the high side this morning, and then took about 3 hours to get back to normal.

My posts are off because my modem is down. I'm at the library again though I'm confident the modem is on it's way to my house as I type... I just know it!

I read Kerri Sparling's post from whatever day it was... and I recognized all the bad habits she talked about. Bolus stacking, carb estimating... her writing is clever and entertaining, yet educational. Please stop by over there and read up on her bad habits! LOL Certainly better than reading mine.... :P

Keep your fingers crossed for that modem delivery.

Minimed Rep

I finally met with the Minimed rep on Friday. She seemed pretty nice and VERY surprised that I wasn't using my Bolus Wizard. I left, kinda wishing I had told her that I was the Bolus Wizard. I mean, I can even add and subtract in my head. Let's just say when she was explaining to another pump candidate about A1Cs and she looked at me sorta humoringly, "It should be under 7... right?" *winkwinknudgenudge* I got a little irritated.

BUT, she had contacted me previously, when i received my replacement pump so we could get together and I never made it. So she probably has a preconceived notion of me, and I can forgive her that, because I didn't have time or the push for it at that time. I know that sounds crazy...and maybe it I'd met with her, I would have had this revision sooner...but, I wasn't ready I guess. I was too much living day to day...managing my diabetes, which btw, is possible without the Bolus Wizard. It just makes tracking a little more complicated.

So, I'm on the Bolus Wizard and my sugars are like CRAP (higher than they've been in weeks)! I've been bolusing what I know I need for a certain amount of food for so long that I have no idea how many carbs are in that stuff...right? It becomes second nature...this plate of food with this drink--take X units to cover. Unfortunately, I don't think 1 unit for 15 grams is enough, but I'm suspicious that 1unit for 10 grams of carbs is going to be too much. But with the pump tracking everything, I want to get it right. I'm trying to figure out what people are talking about when they say they have a hard time logging. I do, but that was before I realized my pump was going to do all of that for me! Good Lord! I have seen the light!

If I had visitors here, I'd ask, "Am I wrong? Am I misunderstanding something?"
Anyhoo. The Carelink thing is very cool. I think I will have to ask Laurel if her husband is using it... and the Bolus Wizard, too. :D Because as any Minimed Rep knows, you can't manage diabetes without that Bolus Wizard. ;-)

BTW, my last A1C was 6.5 and it hasn't been higher than 7.2 in over 10 years. That's good, if you ask me. I've never seen a five, and I'm hoping this surge of enthusiasm will instigate that. I'm off to get the iPro--CGMS this coming Tuesday. I'm so glad it's Tuesday because I've been fighting highs with this awful cold i got. Another sticking point, because the MM rep looked over my sugars for the last few days and of course, saw highs all over the place! How frustrating! Nothing like putting your best foot forward, eh? Grrrr.
Have a great weekend all.
Love,
Bethanne

Hump Day

BG: 116

I'm chasing highs because I forgot to bolus. If I go back a step, my sugar was high after morning coffee and breakfast--a muffin. Then it was sliding here, and missing a good lunch there, and snacking on pretzels later, only to miss the bolus and doing the same later as I ran out the door to get the kids from school. I haven't been over 250, so that's a bonus, but I've been feeling high symptoms at 180, so... Good for me, it means my sugars are staying lower. Bad for me, I feel like crap right now. Which is really strange because of my actual blood glucose level right now. :P

I'm meeting with the Minimed Rep on Friday, and I'm trying to get a hold of the nurse at not-my doctor's office to get a hold of the iPro--the professional CGMS used by doctors for 3 day basal testing. Hopefully, she'll call me tomorrow. I left a message... Ugh. A voicemail I trust. A person saying, "I'll leave a note for Christina and she'll call you when she gets a chance," I don't trust. :P Call me crazy!

Oh! I should add. Illinois Medicaid is the only insurance around here who is NOT approving the CGMS. Though I understand the expense and newness of this therapy/management, I'm still amazed by the ignorance of insurance companies and their decisions about what is medically necessary. Hopefully, this is just a matter of time. Seems to me paying for maintenance would be alot cheaper than fixing a bunch of problems later in life. No? Besides the fact that quality of life really IS valid.

Frustrations Galore!

I think our insurance is activated again...


Need I say more?

End of Day Report

BG: 67 -- Grr. Had ice cream and bolused rightly, so I'm surprised by the number. That's okay. Will eat more! ACK!

Exercise tomorrow and should be an uneventful day at home.
The weekend went by quickly. Had a low this morning after church and got into it with Matt. Sometimes not being right in the head can be a real pain in the ass. I mean, coming out of a low at the tail end of bitching kind of sucks [excuse all that french]. All of a sudden everything he's saying is right. Sheesh. I hate that.

Is it just me? Gah.
Have a great week.
~Bethanne

More Insurance

BG: 123

Being the Republican that I am, I hate to have to use state run insurance, medicaid. But, as it stands, with my hubby still unemployed, we ended up applying a couple of weeks ago. We've got too much on the line to go without it. Sean needs his growth hormone and I need my insulin. We have BCBS through the Cobra Act as well, and that's really hurting our wallet... I hope it's worth it.

...then again, Matt has a live one on the line, so I'm hoping this is a very SHORT temporary set up. And as long as there isn't any break in coverage, we SHOULD be able to avoid the pre-existing condition, policy bullshit. [excuse my french]

That's my update for now.
More on this fiasco later. :D
Have a great week.
Love,
Bethanne

Basal?

Just a note tied in from yesterday's post.
I had a lunch time BG of 63 and ate an apple and two of the bratwurst with saurkraut.
3pm and my BG is 289. I'm thinking my basal needs to be adjusted. Or, does anyone else experience high blood sugars after going to the dentist? I've noticed that pattern, but I lean toward thinking it has something to do with my routine...

Anyway, on a more celebratory note, I had a dentist appointment today. Whoot! Still cavity FREE! 33 years and not a single cavity in this mouth. Yay! Is that the diabetes or the genes talking? I don't know, but apparently, I have strong teeth.



Another good day, except for the late afternoon high. One more day of that and I'm changing that basal... or squaring a bolus might work if I'm having that much protein... anyway, lots of options.

Hump Day

Blood Sugars

8:12 pm 84/6oz juice and 2 slices of cheese (~2oz)

4:52 am 135/ .6 units bolused

7:06 am 123

8:06 am 117

9:49 am 80

10:53 am 104/yogurt, 2 bratwurst (trying to go low carb) 3u

1:20 pm 85(too much on the bolus, most likely)

2:09 pm 64/one small plain cake donut

5:00 pm 207/maybe just a different bolus method to cover the high protein...course, I'll have to try it again WITHOUT the donut. *eyeroll*

7:00 pm 128

8:40 pm 133





Wow. This is a really good day. A really good day. AND, I got my exercising in this morning--couple of miles of walking. Yay for me and my pump.

A Clarification

In case yesterday's post came off with Matt in a bad light... it isn't that he ignores my diabetes or isn't knowledgable of it. He knows more than I think he knows, actually. He's very good about keeping up with my regimen and blood work and eating habits. I think the sleeping thing is probably more to do with the fact that I AM a heavy sleeper...and perhaps he didn't try that hard after the initial shake down. :D I have been pretty tired and cranky the last few days because my son Sean is waking up at 4:30 in the morning and wanting to play Wii Sports, boxing. Early morning, late nights...

I swear, I'm going to bed early tonight!!! :D

And tomorrow, getting kids to school then going to exercise. This morning was WONDERFUL...and a complete wash, as I spent my first official kid-free time, surfing the internet and commenting on facebook. *blush* Oops. Tomorrow, it's time for a routine.

I keep reading about other diabetics who are exercising 3-5 times a week. :P I may not be inactive--I do have 4 children--but, so help me God, I will do something regular even if it's just walking.

End of Day Report

Yesterday was Sunday. Beautiful day. We spent it outside in the yard. AFter our full day outside, we had leftovers for dinner and put The Spy Who Loved Me on the television. First of all, what a whoot, and I made it through about half before crashing... HARD! I was out.

This morning, Matt was telling me about the show he had on PBS featuring spots/parks, I guess in the west. No, not parks. Can't remember. Anyway. Matt said he tried to wake me up. This has a happened a few times, and it sort of jolts me. Matt, my husband of 10 years who I've known for more than 12, who knows when my sugar is low before I do most of the time... just chalks dead sleep up to sleep. I asked him this morning, "It doesn't occur to you to test my sugar?"

"Not at that time of night," he replies.

My first reaction, "What the hell does the time have anything to do with it?"

He thinks for a minute, then shrugs.... I'm like, hello?!?! How long have we been living together? I thought you knew what was going on with me! Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I'm that hard to wake up. Better to say, if a person is going the effort, I'll wake up. Sooo, if I'm NOT waking up, I would probably check myself.

Funny thing about that...I'm the one sleeping. So, I can't, you know...check my sugar. *eyeroll*
Very irritable today, and Matt's leaving the house for two days to help some people in Indianapolis install new windows. I had to go to Walmart twice to get the right size shorts for Thomas. And on the second visit, the lady was supposed to give me cashback for a return...and I thought she was crediting my card only to find the reciept--after I was home--said, "Cash Tendered."

Uh, I didn't get any cash. WTH? Seriously, I'm too irritated and annoyed to go back tonight, so I'm going to go in the morning. Morning schedule: drip off big kids, get gas, drop off little kid, go home. Call bus garage to figure out Seanny's ride. Pick tomatoes. Do something ALL BY MYSELF!!! I'm going to do something all by myself!!!!!! OMG. OMG. I'm almost glad Matt is gone for a couple of days.

It'll be... AWESOME!

Fresh Pasta Sauce

The hazards:
Grating tomatoes... AND FINGERS!
Chopping basil... AND FINGERS!

Despite being slightly sore afterwards, the sauce was sooo good.
I have an intimate relationship with food that comes from having diabetes for 20 years.
I don't like settling for chemically induced sugar-free foods that leave me unsatisfied.

When it comes to sugar-free foods, I'd rather be eating steak! :D

Flying High

Bugs me. But today made me appreciate Kerri Sparling's post the other day about preconceived notions. And she made a really good point that even I don't always see clearly enough.

...If something happens to me as a result of this disease, no one gets to tsk tsk and shake their head, murmuring, "She just didn't take care of herself." Diabetes-related complications are not my fault. They are the result of diabetes. My blood sugars are high and low at times because I have diabetes, not because I'm doing everything wrong. We all work very diligently to compensate for our busted pancreases, and I will not - not even for a second - allow someone to wipe away my life's efforts with a shake of their head and whispered blame...

That being said--and so wonderfully, too--I had a really crappy day. Last night I didn't hear my pump alarms warning me of no delivery, so I woke up at about 4:30 with a 410. Why don't they make the no delivery alarm REALLY LOUD?! Do they think everyone who is a diabetic is a light sleeper? I'm NOT! At about 6 o'clock, it was down near 250, and when I finally woke up for good at 7:30, i was at 141. My day went all right. No highs or lows...until tonight. When I tested and it was 349!! WTF? I'm trying to be conservative on my bolusing. I have a tendency to overbolus. This is unwarranted, though. What happened? What did I eat?

scrambled eggs.
two biscuits.
juice.

I took 5 units. That should be plenty.
Nope.
2 hours later, I'm WAY HIGH. Way too high.
Sucks. This is all attached to the last post where I was complaining of hyperglycemic symptoms... and being cranky. There's a strange pattern in the air...and I wonder if it has to do with my cycle or something. Or Stress?!?!?!?!?

OMG! CGMS

I just got the craziest call from Minimed, wanting to tell me that my doctor put in a request for the Continuous Glucose Monitoring System!!! WTF? Wow. Seems like something I'd remember talking to him about at my appointment last week.

...we did talk about basal testing...
...and getting together with the local Minimed rep...

nope. Can't remember any CGMS discussion.
NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING!

I've thought about it, but I just was waiting until I knew what was going on with my insurance.
Okay...so there's no definite yet, but wow. I'm a little pre-excited and hoping this goes through okay.

*breathe*

All I can see in my head is dollar signs...lots of dollar signs--and NO INSURANCE. I need to learn to contain my hopes.

Cranky

I think I've lost my balance.
I'm sooooo cranky! I should check my sugar.
...send the kids to school.
...find a job for my hubby.
...go to church?

Something.
You ever have days like that?
When sarcasm and irritation are racing neck and neck for the win?

*sigh*

End of Day Report

I'm choking on salsa ingredients.
I haven't even eaten the stuff yet, and my ribs hurt from coughing on the peppers. :D I love it.

A good day, except for the no delivery alarm, which ticks me off because I have to change my site when I just changed it yesterday. :P

Not much to say today. Waiting for this job thing to happen. Matt is interviewing on Monday with a firm in New Hampshire. I need to talk to the school district about special education--vision services. I'm hoping this comes together. Really hoping. I think Matt is still on the fence about the east coast...

BUT IT'S IN THE GREAT NORTH! There's no one up there! We're talking a town of 3000 people. *sigh* Anyway, about three hours from Boston, I can see the benefits of a place on the east coast. Joslin, anyone? Perkins Braille, anyone? :P

have a great sunday.
Bethanne

Doctor Visit

Had a good visit with my doctor.
He was pleased with my blood work, the 6.5 A1C.

Dr. Baumberger is THE nicest doctor I've ever had for my diabetes...that I can remember.
He's supportive, open to alternatives, always looking for a better way to make diabetes work. I'm not saying I'm into alternative medicine. I'm not. I love tylenol and epidurals... LOL

He was sympathetic to our plight, the job loss, the insurance debacle.
...and he made sure to tell me to say hi to Sean [my son], when I was leaving.

What a nice guy. And he's going green. Whoot! All computerized, even here in the middle of a cornfield. Gotta love it.

Changed my basals last night. Had some weird lows before bedtime and didn't want to go low over night. Am keeping it that way for the time being to see if it helps. I think I'll be calling the minimed rep soon. I'd really like to get this bigger picture painted. The pump remote, the tracking software. I need to get my act together.

The stress is a little high right now. The job hunt is still in full force. The waiting is VERY HARD for me.

Breakfast

I've been watching my diet.
okay, when am I not watching my diet, right?
But this is a weight thing again, and I really want to lose a few more.
So, I was trying to start my day off right. A banana, yogurt, toast. Something simple, convenient. Well, it doesn't work. Even with a decent lunch, I'm STARVING by mid afternoon.
New plan: more protein... less convenient, less simple. *sigh*

At a friend's house last night, I was able to enjoy myself with some good food and drinks. I'm making a comment on it because there's always that worry that the alcohol will mess with my perceptions, but I drank slowly, mixing it with glasses of water and some light snacks. I was too buzzy to drive home, but that was more a caution, so I let a friend drive me home. Thanks, Carrie! I don't think of my diabetes as a bunch of limits. I was diagnosed at 12 so I never had the debate over alcohol that I know lots of people who are diagnosed later in life deal with. I mean, twenty-one and college came, and I drank moderately. I'm 32 now, and I still drink. Only more moderately....

except for that occasional night out with the girls. :D ;-)

Hump Day

Okay, first? This week is going soooo slowly! Why? It's the anxiety, I think. The waiting game that was thrown at our family in May, which we've yet to figure out how to play. I hate it. I'm on the verge of burnt out, and almost every other thing my husband does is getting on my nerves. I'm trying to help out in the job hunt, but I sit at the computer and I don't know where to go anymore. I'm tired of it all....

but especially of the way Matt is prowling around finding things to pick on. Get A Job!

anyhoo... he's working on it.


Sugars are good today.
Can't complain. no highs, no lows.
Feels good.

Infusion Site

Had a bad one today. Frustrating because I just changed the darn thing a day or two ago. I know, change them every three days, but still...that's an entire day!!! And I just had to pay CASH for a box of the darn things.

I'll admit, I go as long as I can on one site. And by that, I mean, 4 days. Sometimes five if I'm busy and forget. It's hard to forget, for me, anyway. It can get irritated and the tape wears off... especially during the summer. Vigorous activity, sweaty bodies...

you know.

So, a couple of highs this afternoon. I hate those kind because you think it might be something else, you cover, then an hour later, still feeling as crappy as that feels, you're no lower. BGs still up over 250. Ugh.

Matt's coming home tonight. I'm so happy! He's was only gone today, but I thought he would be staying overnight tonight. Nope! :D Lucky me.

Me and my Mom

We have this thing.

I was reading through some threads on the Diabetes Forums this past week, when I noticed a theme. Family helpers and do-gooders. It's part of loving someone, making sure they are going to be there the next time we call. I don't think diabetics are the only people who experience this kind of love. Alcoholics, over-eaters[obesity], epileptics.... just plain people, too, risk-takers, soldiers, policemen. If a wife noticed her cop husband leave the house without his mace or gun, she'd probably stop him. "Are you sure you don't want to take your sidearm?"

So, I'm breathing and fighting with myself over the hard feelings I get when my mom makes another comment about my diabetes...or insurance coverage...or how I deal with my insurance coverage. It BOGS me down to know that she still thinks I'm uneducated and I don't know how to deal with insurance companies. Lifting her eye-brows, making statements as if she's revealing something I haven't yet figured out [what? I'm going to have to fight the insurance company? i'm going to have to file claims? This is how things used to work in the industry?]. I mean, GAH! It's hard, because I know she means well.

I've been dealing with my diabetes for 20 years. I know how to work the system. I know how the system works...yet I'm still learning, and as the system changes, I'll keep learning. The tricky part is realizing that my mom deals with an insurance that I don't deal with, have never dealt with, and will never--God willing--have to deal with. HMOs. Totally different beast from the PPO I deal with--well, let's say HMO is the male and PPO is the female, same monster different gender.

I feel like it's about respect. I don't think I've ever talked to my mom about this kind of stuff and had her listen to me as if I knew what I was talking about. Frustrating... but I also see my mom talk to her mom that way, so maybe it's not just me, eh?

I love my mom. She does want what's best for me and wants me to be happy. Again, when people buy me sugar-free stuff because they know I'm diabetic, I say thank you and eat it, even though, I don't really eat MOST sugar free foods. I'd rather occasionally eat real sugared foods. *shrug* But it's nice of people to think of me. And it's NICE, NICE, NICE to have something besides water to drink!! LOL

I suppose part of the freedom of being able to share this is the fact that no one reads this blog. LOL But it helps to get it off my chest, and talk it out, and not feel so frustrated anymore.

On a side note: I changed my basals over the weekend. After keeping track of my BGs for a week, I felt it was time to shake things up a little and try to get them tighter. Research on the web, plus my own monitoring helped me make the basal levels better. I'm working on the night times right now because my mornings are still a tad elevated. Less than 180, more than 120. I'm feeling much better through the day, though. :)

Doctor's appointment next week.